I haven’t updated on here in quite some time, and now that it has officially been six months since the biggest change of my life, I felt it was finally time. Six months ago, I left everything I’ve ever known to start a new life- my adult chapter, I like to call it. During this time, I have had no shortage of challenges, both internal and external. What I do know, however, is that this journey has shown me how resilient I can be, because everything I’ve been through in this transition thus far has made me stronger than I ever thought possible. It wasn’t until exactly one month ago that I truly experienced this most beautiful truth of it all- no matter what anyone else says or does or believes, it does not make it true, because only I know my truth. This inner light and peace and energy and strength is something that comes from deep within myself, that no one can ever take away from me.
But I am still human. Some days, I feel completely like myself, happy and grateful and full of faith. Other days, I think of all the loss and pain and worries and struggles of life and feel so overwhelmed I just don’t have the energy and motivation to get anything done. In the past, I would be so worried about that, being hard on myself and blaming myself and drowning in guilt every time I wasted a chance at a happy and productive day by sleeping away my sorrows. Even when I first began to realize that maybe you can never rely on anyone else to make you happy, that it’s better to have no expectations from anyone, it would fill me with such disappointment.
Until I realized how important it is to acknowledge the negativity because that is an equally important part of being alive, and it is the only way to remove the heavy layers to uncover the peace that is within. Until I realized it is equally as important to be mentally stronger than my emotions and not dwell in that dark place for too long. Do I feel down at times when I miss being surrounded by family and friends, and facing the hard truth that life can be a true challenge? Yes. Do I feel anxious when I think of adjusting to this new city, new home, new job and new responsibilities that I am so brand new at? Of course. And is it okay that some days I let my thoughts get out of hand and get so deep in my feelings that I can’t get of bed- much less take care of myself and others and be productive and excited? Well, that is up to me; and to be honest, most of the time I am somewhere in between.
Humans are naturally creatures of habit and so what you practice is what becomes normal to you. I have had to break the mold of a majority of the things I knew in my life in Atlanta and get used to everything brand new here in Houston. But I know that if you practice noticing your negative thoughts and changing them to positive ones and practice gratitude, that is what will become the normal for you and that is what you will continue to attract more of in your life. If you repeatedly focus on all the bad, which you will inevitably find if you look for it, then that is what your life will become centered around. For me, it all depends on how long it takes me to recognize my pattern of negative thoughts and stop them. It depends on the way I process these thoughts and how much they affect my emotions. It depends on the way I act upon the fact that no one else in the world can make me as happy as I can make myself- simply by deciding to do so. Finding and keeping this peace no matter what goes on around you is the only way that you can make others happy around you and this is quite possibly the most important new lesson I have learned in my first six months of this incredible journey.
“Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved.”