Today was Anita’s funeral and the worst day of my life…but it wasn’t quite as bad as I expected, and to my surprise, I barely shed a single tear. Instead, I thought of how much I would miss her amazing mind and giant heart so full of love, her beautiful humanity and unique personality, and the powerful and impactful way she lived so fully. I know she tried harder than anyone possibly could imagine to believe and stay positive and not give up hope, but I’m so truly happy she’s finally at a peace she never could find here.
At the viewing a few days ago, I was able to hug and kiss her goodbye, and I’m so thankful we were able to take her back to Dallas with us. Today I was filled with peace as she goes to lay near my father because I know that what we see is her vessel during her short but meaningful journey. She is in every single part of who I am, in my memories all day and in my dreams at night. Most importantly, she has now returned to the eternal Source from which we come and to which we will return and to which I connect deeply every day in my meditation and in every moment I can feel inner peace- I know she’s my guardian angel bringing me this great and unexpected peace and I am never separate from her at all.
The worst feelings in the world are always those of not having enough- loneliness, emptiness, nothingness; that’s why I’d always rather of too much than not enough. And that is why I wanted to know all the details and go to the viewing and to everything I can and spend time in her room and keep all her stuff while still being okay. They keep wondering why I’m not crying or screaming or anxious out of my mind, but this is the time when I need the most strength and that can only come in the quiet stillness from within myself. I pray to God of the Universe, which now carries two of the people closest to my heart, to please continue to remain with me in peace. I love my baby sister to death and I’m so thankful that my angel on earth finally got her wings and flew high.