For the past several weeks, I have experienced immense suffering, in the name of love. I tried everything I could to accept the present moment yet still, buried somewhere within me, there was resistance. And today, I was able to see in a new light as I realized that I love.
So much that I gave my life, my heart, my home, my family, my name, my last year with my sister, my job and my friends, familiar faces and places, my dreams, and my mother’s dreams, dealt with family challenges in a new household every single day, forgave the worst possible anger and pain I have ever experienced, gave up all of my expectations, accepted my imperfections yet remained respectful, and continued to give my genuine and persistent heartfelt efforts that went unnoticed and were never enough…
So I felt deep sadness, at everything I’ve given and everything I’ve been through. I felt overwhelming fear, of things not working out and being apart forever. I felt anger and frustration which were always overpowered by gentle patience and compassion.
But now the heavy brick of resistance has lifted to reveal the freeing nature of true love. Faith and love always prevail. And, if the universe has planned something different for me that is not within my control, if the love is not returned and we part ways, then I will still be okay
Because I can say something that many people never may be able to: that I have loved. I have loved someone in a way I never thought I could, immeasurably more than anyone probably ever will, truly and deeply with every fiber of my being, selflessly and unconditionally, permanently, without regret or fear…
And love is patient.
“Love is patient and kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. it is not proud, it does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs, love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”