Awakening 2010

Since my…awakening of sorts in January of 2010, my life has changed drastically. For one, I finally feel as if I’ve found faith in what I believe to be God and the greater meaning of life and beyond..and the anxiety that haunted me for so long has finally been replaced by a peace that I feel not many others can comprehend. I was finally able to know with confidence exactly who I was, put it all in God’s hands, and live free. Perhaps more importantly, I began to live life, applying who I was and what I’d learned. I began to really live it, not just live it, but embrace it, and love it. I love who I am and being myself around people, while I live my life and love everyone as fully as I possibly can.
I learned that my life is pretty good, but sometimes life is really good, perfect, better than you could have ever imagined. And sometimes it doesn’t feel that way because bad stuff happens and people hurt you but you have your faith and family and billions of people to love and so life goes on. I’m now more focused on God and actually living out who I am and dedicating my life to others, more focused on the big picture while keeping in mind the temporary nature of life. I’ve also learned that we, humanity, are all connected, all one, in this small world, and that brings me the most comfort.

There is also quite a bit of negative and imperfection in my life. I’ve been through my fair share of challenges in 7th and 8th grade, and felt as if I was going through a period of depression and anxiety all throughout my early college years as I left my shell and became exposed to a whole new world. I am a bit lazy and really impatient and ashamed to say that I’m also a bit proud, and I’ve made mistakes, just like everyone else. There are things I dislike, like fake people, superficiality, ignorance, injustice, judgemental people, and those who cannot understand the simple act of giving and loving. I am scared of God, and being alone, most of all, of losing my mind. I fear at times I’m missing out on life a little due to my anxiety about driving to new places alone. I have mood swings, and that’s something I don’t know if I’ll ever stop struggling with…my mindset on life is always the same, but my mood tends to be somewhat unpredictable. And as hard as I try not to be, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I am a bit greedy. I have everything anyone could ever want, and so much more..but at times I still feel that something may be missing, and I want more. It is true that I want happiness for my loved ones more than anything else, but I can’t deny that I have my own selfish desires as well. But even though my life isn’t always absolutely perfect and I’m not always absolutely happy, I always remember that at least I am alive, and I’ve found a peace through my faith that nothing and no one can touch, and for that I am absolutely blessed.

I spent so much of my life trying to find myself and make my life perfect. When I finally reached what should have been perfection, when I finally reached what I thought was the top, I realized that maybe perfection wasn’t what I should’ve been seeking after all. This left me more confused than ever, especially combined with the stress of a new lifestyle and environment in college. This is when I had my big awakening and really found myself, and gave it all to God, becoming a free spirit. I began to really live my life and love those around me. And that’s when I finally got it-and I now I know that’s life.

Life isn’t perfect and it doesn’t even need to be and maybe I don’t even want it to be. Sometimes you’re happy and sometimes you’re sad and sometimes there is no reason for either. Sometimes life is perfect without a care in the world and sometimes it’s so troublesome and overwhelming you don’t know how you’ll ever make it through. Sometimes you’re so madly in love that you lose all your senses and sometimes people hurt you and you think you might actually break and fall apart. But whatever happens happens, and life goes on. It always flows on within you and around you, with you or without you, it goes on-until it doesn’t anymore and our fragile existence ends after only a moment in eternity.

Everything that happens is a part of life and everyone goes through their own journey in their own way. My second chance at life has shown me that with all its endless problems and inevitable pain and struggle, I am still in love with being alive. God and my awakening has given me the strength to know I can get through anything. There are so many negative experiences that so many people go through…struggle is the meaning of life and life is made up almost entirely of problems, after all.

But I’d like to make it clear that I’m aware of the fact that I am one of the most blessed people in this entire world. I am so lucky to have really found myself so early in life, so lucky to have found God and be His completely and become the free spirit I was meant to be, so lucky to live the life I live with the Imam guiding me and with the people with whom I live. So lucky to have freedom and education and a job and to be living in one of the best places in the world and have the best experiences and the best things and nearly no hardships and more than enough faith to get me through anything if any of this should ever change. I am one of the few to love the people I love and live the live I live and I could never thank God enough to me through the past and show me what I know now.

In 7th and 8th grade, I had nothing but problems and always a lot to do. In 2008, I had no problems at all, and nothing to do. In each of these cases, I did not enjoy life too much and I had not had my awakening so I was very unhappy. Things are different after my awakening. I don’t have any real problems which means life can’t really get any better, things have fallen into place and I have had my awakening so I am both content and happy, but I also have a lot to do. However, this time I do not see this as a problem. I see this as part of being alive, being occupied and feeling productive, embracing the divine chaos that is life. Everyone has something negative in their life; this is an inevitable fact. In my opinion, being too busy is the absolute BEST potential “problem” I could ever have asked for. So as of right now, I am blessed to be in a really good place and I can only hope that things will continue to remain this good, and that others can have the same experience out of life as am having now.

This year has truly been the most amazing year of my life; in fact, it has been a whole new world, a whole new life, a whole new me. I have taken all that I have experienced in the past 20 years of my life and learned and grew from it all. I have opened my eyes and my mind and my heart and become the person that I am today. It has been a new beginning, a second life. I have found myself and found God, I have become a free spirit, and learned to really live life one day at a time and love everyone with all I’ve got; I’ve learned that bad things happen and people hurt you and this is inevitable, but life is short & it goes on. I am just now beginning to experience LIFE.

I am learning so much about people through psychology, and so much about culture and lifestyles through travel, and everything about life and the world that I’m not yet able to experience, through inspirational books and documentaries, all while God as my everything and music as my worldly strength. I am inspired by nearly everything I encounter and everyone I meet, & especially by a close, select few. I am learning to appreciate the little things but always keep in mind the bigger picture. I am learning to take chances, embrace trying new things, and really be the person I have always wanted to be. I am the most blessed person that has ever lived and I want nothing more than to ensure I do my part to help others feel the same way.

I very often feel as if I am the most blessed person that has ever lived and I want nothing more than to ensure I do my part to help others feel the same way. Before, I was used to living just to keep going, going just to be sane, and now I embrace everything about life, I have meaning and purpose in life, and I am ready to take on the world. This 2010 awakening truly feels like a second chance at life, one in which I will never forget that I am God’s free spirit here only to love others; this change is one that cannot be understood by anyone who has not experienced it themselves.

I’ve always loved my own life; it has always been somewhere close to perfect, and the few times it wasn’t, I knew it would be again. But after my awakening, I learned to really love life, all kinds of life, life in general-the good, the bad, and the in-between. I now am free to love everything about life! Trying new things, going to new places, meeting new people, experiencing all aspects of life, daring to cross the boundaries and learning and growing from being adventurous, taking risks, and not holding back. And even when things go wrong, when I make mistakes, when I encounter failure and pain and hurt, I still love life. I love absolutely everything about it because everything that happens, happens to everyone and it’s all a part of life. & nothing (except soul/faith) lasts forever. Things no longer seem to be as big of a deal as they used to be and I’ve accepted that Que Sera Sera, and life goes on; you’ve just gotta love this journey we’re all on, and live every moment and love with all you’ve got-and never forget your faith or your education.

Since I’ve written about bad times in my past, I figure I should at least say something about 2010, because it has BY FAR been the BEST year of my life. Not only because I’ve reasons I’ve already stated such as having found myself and God and becoming a free spirit, and living life a day at a time loving everyone.

But also because of my life itself. I have met so many new people and made a lot of new friends; I have actually become extremely comfortable meeting and talking to all kinds of people with confidence and kindness. I have begun to live out my beliefs in my life and really make the most of my short time in life. I joined a sorority and became more involved in college, I began to take my duties as a volunteer and kind person more seriously such as when we went to Houston, went on spring break to Miami with some amazing people, and got the full experience of life in my home town of Pakistan. I went to a variety of crazy events and celebrated numerous 21st birthdays, I saw GSU’s very first football game ever and spoke on a live news channel completely spontaneously, became more patient and understanding of others’ flaws, and began to really live life a day at a time without full reliance on an agenda, ha (although I am still very organized). Most of all, I had the courage to put my heart on the line completely out there and vulnerable, and was able to move on when it was crushed; my hopes and faith in people is still high alive. I’ve tried things I’ve never tried before, like riding a camel on the beach and zip lining and white water rafting in costa rica while helping out at an orphanage and then living on the beach for an entire week.

All this is very little of what I have experienced this year, and it has truly been the best year of my life; hopefully, this is the first of many to come. I will even study abroad and this is just a sign of what the rest of my life and existence will be like. I feel like I’ve lived life to the fullest and would be completely okay with having to leave this world at this very moment, but am still Gods free sprit, and living life and loving all.

FREE-SPIRIT

I have always considered myself to be a free-spirit, but it occurs to me now that most people have little to no idea about what I really mean by that. What exactly does it mean to be a free-spirit?
It means that you are free to be whoever you want to be, and the only age that matters is the one you are at heart. A free-spirited lifestyle is simple and carefree, light and peaceful, unafraid because God is on your side. It means to live in faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you. A free spirit is one who believes anyone can do anything at all, as long it does not impede on the rights of others, without caring about being misunderstood, insane, different, and care free. It means to let go, with nothing to hold you back, with no rules, because you know who you are & that others opinions cannot ever change the truth in front of God.

A free spirit is not too fond of conformity, but doesn’t set out to be different to please others; but never take what they say too literally; otherwise they will confuse you and make no sense at all.
Most of all, a free-spirit is one who can understand how science and faith can work together and set ones soul free, and never cease to exist, even after leaving the temporary nature of life. A free-spirit is one who can soar freely, live fully, and is at peace while moving towards a purpose, understanding that true happiness lies not in reaching ones destination, but in the journey of life itself. The more I surrender myself and my life to God, the lighter, the brighter, happier, the more content, more peaceful my soul becomes. Now that I am God’s free spirit, I feel as if there is nothing we can’t take on together. Life is short, so why not aim for the moon? If I fail, I will at least still land among the stars. I have never wanted to aim high for fear of failure, but that is the only guarantee of failure itself. I thought it was too late to do anything other than get a Bachelor’s in Psychology and stay in Georgia forever, but I’m young and I’m free, and the whole world is mine…I can do anything.

Yes, I want to become a nurse, but I do not want to stop there. I want to change the world. I want to spark hope and lift spirits and make a real difference while I am here. I do not just want to be mediocre or do well; I want to excel in whatever I do, and I want to aspire to be the best in all aspects of my life. I want to dance in the symphony of God like no other, I want to be the healthiest, the smartest, the kindest, the strongest and most motivated and hard working, the happiest and most alive and most in love with the struggles. I know that the only way to achieve this success is to work hard and act as if there is no other option. I am meant to do so much more, and there is no purpose more important in my life than sharing my faith and using my knowledge to help others and make the world a better place.

As you may be able to guess by reading this, today I am feeling even a bit more free spirited than usual. So, I’ve decided it’s time for a change in plans. I’m a free-spirit, ready to soar, and I will not let anything stand in my way.

“Every morning I wake up and tell myself a harmless little lie: that the whole wide world is mine”

“& those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music” –Friedrich Nietzsche

Zindagi Ek Safar (1971): My Favorite Old Hindi Song
(I’m certain this song can help bring out the free spirit in anyone)
Translation For Non-Hindi Speakers

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