It’s a strange feeling to miss someone you’ve been with your entire life.

God has always been with me- before this life, throughout it, after it. But Fatima? She only gets about seventy-five solid years here, if she’s lucky (and I’m almost halfway there).

I guess somewhere between becoming a wife, a nurse, an entrepreneur, a PhD candidate, a mom to three little girls…(the list goes on), I forgot to spend time with her.

But the truth is, I do miss her, and I’m feeling all the feels as I get to know her – the evolved, adult version of her – all over again.

I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember.

Not professionally. Not even “successfully” (whatever THAT means). Just…constantly. In fact, it’s probably been the only constant in my life aside from my faith.

I wrote through losing my father when I was only twelve years old. Through moving states multiple times. Through various relationships, heartbreaks, and divorce. Through the loss of my baby sister. Through nursing school, career changes, jobs, friendships, travel, entrepreneurship, and every version of myself that came and went over the years.

Writing was always there.

…Until it wasn’t.

I guess I’ll “give myself grace”, as everyone keeps telling me- I did have three back-to-back pregnancies in a five-year timespan so I was in a little bit of a whirlwhind. But somewhere along the way, I stopped writing almost entirely. Not because I stopped loving it, but because life became beautifully, chaotically full. (If I’m being honest, it still is, more than EVER, but my husband is giving me time to write this because he knows how much it means to me).

Anyways, outside of doomscrolling social media and occasionally convincing myself that one more episode of reality TV counts as “self-care,” I eventually decided I was allowed one hobby.

So, on a random Monday night, right in the middle of an ordinary life, I chose something extraordinary: I chose Limitless with Jordan Younger.

I chose writing.

From my soul.

Again.

Because somehow it has always felt less like a hobby and more like coming home.

As part of the Limitless course, we were encouraged to write and post our first essay on Substack. Even if it’s not perfect, even if it’s messy, we can post it, I learned.

By the way, if you’ve found me here, you should probably know something.

I’m spectacularly bad at picking one interest.

Like horrendously bad.

Like I was going to make my bio “the multi-passionate, niche-less writer”. (Thank God I didn’t.)

But I have been in the online business world for almost a decade, and in that world it’s common knowledge that if you’re just starting out, you NEED a niche. Pick one topic. Become known for one thing. If you write for everyone, you’re writing for no one.

So here I am…

apparently writing to no one.

Just like I did when I first started my personal blog in 2010, lol.

The problem is, I genuinely can’t choose.

I’m endlessly fascinated by spirituality and science. Psychology and holistic wellness. Inner peace and entrepreneurship. Motherhood and meditation. Travel and books and music and meaningful conversations. The ordinary little moments that somehow become the biggest ones.

For years, I thought all of those interests made me unfocused. (I mean, I guess in the business world, that’s still true).

But now I wonder if they’re all just different ways of asking the same question:

What does it mean to live well?

That’s the philosophy behind my 10+ year brand, Spirit Life, but maybe that’s the one thing that hasn’t changed.

Maybe, after all these years, I still love spirituality and writing and exploring the art of living well.

I’ve also spent an embarrassing amount of time waiting until I knew exactly what I wanted to write about before I allowed myself to start writing. (And, if you scroll down like 2 cm to my first and second Substack notes, you’ll see there’s a full seven days between them).

Unsurprisingly, that’s probably why I never really started.

So this time I’m doing something different.

Something that the evolved version of a partially grown up Fatima apparently thinks is a good idea:

I’m beginning before I feel ready.

For years, I hid behind Spirit Life.

Part of that was intentional—I genuinely love creating brands and sharing my expression and thoughts with the world in hopes of making a difference.

But if I’m looking deep within myself for hard truths, the other part was because I didn’t feel worthy of showing up as MYSELF.

Even now, it feels so much safer to me to (this is the part where I had to pause because my family came home and I got busy, so if my tone is different after this, just know that’s why, lol).

Ok, I’m back. Where were we?

Yes. Safety.

Even now, it feels so much safer to let a brand I created speak for me than to come as nothing other than only my Self.

But I am not the same person who started that blog years ago.

Life has changed me.

Grief changed me.

Motherhood changed me.

Faith changed me.

Love changed me.

And somewhere in the middle of all that, I became more myself than I’ve ever been.

Think post-quarantine, circa 2020- everyone reemerged as thier pre-quarantine self, and then life continued on.

But me?

I got married and got pregnant and had a baby and another baby and another baby and went back to school and worked full time and bought a house and had long hospital stays from how sick I got during said pregnancies and then I recovered from surgery, and now…I am finally stepping back out into the world.

Over five years after the rest of the world went back to “normal”.

And to me, it feels blindingly bright. It feels loud. It feels…overstimulating, all of the time.

And sure, I’ve been meditating and praying and that has helped IMMENSELY more than anything, but also…

All the layers that are shed during meditation have nowhere to go but become the words on this page, mine to speak and yours to keep.

So this time, instead of introducing another brand…

I’d like to introduce myself.

Yes, it seems a little late for that, but here I am anyway, showing up before I’m ready:

Hi. I’m Fatima. Faith Fatima, for those who know me from the business world.

I am a free-spirit. a yogi. a holistic wellness enthusiast. a wife. a mother x 3. a nurse. a phd candidate. a serial online entrepreneur. a part-time adult. a future wise old lady. an eternal optimist. a lover of love, music, nature, travel, and books. a wildly unsuccessful famous person. a collector of curious observations on science and soul. and a writer of thoughtful essays exploring the art of living well.

Want to know what stands out the most to me about my own description of myself?

That I’m a writer.

I still identify as a writer. 🙂

Ok so this Substack thing. Would I like to monetize someday? I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it.

I’ve dreamed for years of making a living doing the one thing I’ve loved since childhood, but for some reason I never really thought it was realistic for me.

But I’ve also realized something- doing something solely for money hardly ever becomes fun. But doing something because you love it always has that glimmer of hope forever whispering that maybe, just maybe, the income might quietly follow.

If it does, how wonderful. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too. Because honestly? I would rather fail at something I love for my entire life than to succeed at something that doesn’t truly align with me.

And I deserve to give my wildest dream at least one year of consistent effort, wouldn’t you agree?

So, (nonexistent) followers, that’s all I have for now. I can only hope that somewhere on this page I somehow answered the Limitless prompt for my origin story, “Why now? Why you? Why Substack?”

And if instead, I simply rambled on way too long about random musings, at least I am getting to meet myself again.

Besides, I heard that Substack readers don’t mind when your post gets too long like they do on social media. In fact, compared to all the other ones I’ve been reading, I’m happy to be in a place where mine are considered the short post!

Anyway…

I can truly say it’s been lovely to meet her.

And that’s a gift that makes all of this worth it.

<3 F

PS – If you happen to be reading this on the blog, be sure to subscribe on the Spirit Life Substack so you can be notified of new posts and interact with the community. Thank you for being here.