I am speechless to confirm that this was all neither a dream nor a nightmare; in fact, it is as real as the flesh under my skin and the bitter taste in my mouth as I wake up to another day without her. The missing piece of my heart feels like a black hole and these words are my only source of comfort and solace. Even though I am physically alive and well, my mind is in another world with my dad and my baby sister and I continue to remain silent and calm as I focus all my energy inwards. I converse with all the people and remain productive as I go through the motions during our travels to Dallas, San Antonio, Houston and Atlanta, but I am not really here.

Usually, my thoughts are so organized and am clearly able to see the connection to my emotions and then base my actions on that. But for right now, I am being my soul and trying to take care of myself and live in this moment. But this moment is without Anita and I am home but she’s gone and so I can’t figure the rest right now.