Seat Of Awareness

Yesterday, after spending nearly the entire day in a negative mindset, I decided to take my own advice for once. I got off the rocking chair of worry and sat back in the still seat of awareness…and simply observed what exactly my mind was doing. I noticed I was deeply saddened about decision I had made and where they had led me, anxious about what would happen- if anything- to resolve the issues in my life, frustrated and resistant to the situation and circumstances beyond my control. And finally, I took a seat in the driver’s side of the car and arrived exactly where I need to be.

I think it is now safe to say that I have been through my fair share during my lifetime so far. I have experienced financially difficult living conditions and bullying when my family first moved here from Pakistan, the death of my father and the effects it has until this very day on my mother and sister, extreme depression and panic attacks during college…and the absolute most heart-wrenching painful breakup I could ever imagine whilst experiencing the most physical pain of a kidney stone whilst learning that I owed $12K that I simply did not have for medical bills whilst being in one of the nation’s most tedious nursing programs. Recently, I have also struggled with searching for a satisfying career, setting new goals and high expectations for the future, entering a totally different culture and lifestyle than what I am used to, and leaving behind everyone I love and everything I’ve known to jump into a life of the unknown. And this is just the beginning.

But guess what? I survived. Each and every challenge and struggle that came my way, although none were by any means easy, I pushed through and stayed true to myself and my faith and I survived. In fact, each of these things helped me to grow smarter, stronger, and more efficient for the future. And I made the most difficult yet freeing decision I have made in a long time- total acceptance. The decision to accept each and every single moment as if it were exactly where I am meant to be, and then focus on the positive. I have my faith, good health, a loving family and friends, a meaningful career and goals I am passionate about, financial comfort, and most importantly, the freedom to make my own choices and know that everything that is currently in my life is a result of my very own decisions.

The thing is, no amount of anger, sadness or worrying can change what has already happened or what may happen in the future that is outside of your control. However, the choices you make today and the level of presence you have RIGHT NOW determines the outcome of your future…which can be everything you’ve ever imagined and more. You see, it is not your job to repeatedly dwell on the past or worry about HOW everything will unfold. All you have to do is accept the moment as it is and make the decision that you will have a different- better- future, and trust that the universe will bring it to you. If you stay positive, positivity will come back to you, and even if it doesn’t immediately, it will eventually. Everything will always turn out okay in the end; if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

“Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere.” –Unknown

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