In a previous post, I’ve explained why I do not believe that everything happens for the best. I also mention that there is, however, something good that can be discovered in every situation. This idea became solidified to me when I reflected upon 3 of the worst times of my life so far, and realized they brought me 3 of the best things life has to offer. The first is when my dad passed in 2001; initially it only brought me grief, anger, and immense confusion as to why something like this could happen to not only me, but to my mom and my little sister. It wasn’t until very recently, over a decade later, that I see that without having lost my favorite person in the entire world forever in a heartbeat, I would have never been able to create the beautiful life I have today. I would’ve never learned to seize and appreciate each moment because life is short, never learned to give highest importance to health, love, and achieving my greatest goals, perhaps never have moved to Georgia and experience the events leading my life up to this point in which I am truly happy. I learned that life is a short, crazy, and beautiful experience that must be lived to its fullest in each moment before it is too late.
The second is my internal battle with the closest I have ever come to depression, around my first/second year of college in 2008. After the excitement of the first semester of college died down and the reality of living on my own kicked in, I seem to have become obsessed with the fact that although I had everything I had ever wanted in my life, something was missing. I was missing goals, progress, and most importantly, purpose and direction in my life. I realized then I didn’t really have any idea of who I was or who I wanted to be. This led me to begin writing more often, sparking a journey of self-discovery that I never imagined would end in an awakening of realizing my faith, true-self, and purpose in life which is that of helping others. Ultimately, this is what eventually led to the creation of my journal/this blog, something to which I give the highest importance and credit to teaching me all about who I am and creating who I want to be. Had I not experienced this deep depression, I never would have resurfaced as a woman of faith and free-spirit of God.
The third and most recent is earlier this year in 2015 when I felt that every part of my life was turning upside down and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I became sick and chained to my anxiety, I had debt that was overwhelming and impossible for me to afford, I was more challenged than I have ever been before with the workload of nursing school, and my loved ones were going through life/death situations. This was all occurring simultaneously with a break-up experience that is impossible for me to express in words, leaving me feeling worse than I could ever remember feeling before in my life. Further confusion kicked in when I recovered from this trauma fairly quickly and remembered how happy I can be on my own, achieved my greatest dream of becoming a nurse, wrote a letter which resulting in excusing the aforementioned debt in its entirety, and beginning a new relationship that has renewed my hope in love. And from all of this, I learned.
I learned about life and how we really have no control over a majority of what goes on, and how it can do a complete 180 and then come full circle again all within a year. I learned about myself, and how I have complete control of my thoughts, my emotions, my actions and intentions, and my relationship with God- the only relationship I need to be happy. Most of all, I learned about relationships and about love. I learned that a relationship is a part of life meant to enhance what you already have rather than something to become obsessed over and make into your life. I learned that every person handles situations differently and if I am upset over little things and keep track of the negative instead of taking control of my thoughts, then I’ll never be happy. I learned that each person you come across will teach you something you may have never learned otherwise, and the importance of appreciating the good memories to keep as part of you forever, forgiving yourself and others and letting go of the bad. I learned to be more patient, understanding, compromising, and that true love is not always about the qualities of a person that can be listed on paper, but about building a relationship of communication, trust, resilience and commitment. I like to call these the 3 worst experiences of my life, but it is these same times that have taught me about faith and true self, life and purpose, and love, so perhaps they are my greatest blessings.
“He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep, pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God” -Aeschylus
“Struggle is the meaning of life. It is man’s duty and it should be his joy.” -His Highness, the Aga Khan