I am sick, so I had nothing better to do than start reading book one, which I finally finished. There is no doubt that it was one of the best books I have ever read, perhaps because it gives me conflicted feelings and makes me feel not at ease for some reason I don’t understand.

Maybe because compared to katniss, I am not very brave nor do I have the skills to ever be able to survive on my own, and so perhaps I am not as independent as I had thought. Maybe because, as compassionate towards all beings as I am, I would not in reality be able to give up my life even for those I care about most. Maybe because our govt is no better than the Capitol, and we are all under their illusion without even realizing it, and when we do, there is not much else we can do about it, at least not realisticially or without taking extreme measures and great risks. Maybe because it reminds me of Home, the comfort of my life, and the underlying yet constant fear that I have so much to lose.

And even, maybe because of other things I choose not to disclose, so similar to many situations I’ve come across myself. These and many other thoughts are running through my mind as my confidence and sense of self is somewhat unexpectedly shaken, but I feel so alive because of all this book causes me to feel, the confusion, admiration, jealousy, longing, fear, guilt, anger, determination, and right back to more confusion.

So now what? I hate to dwell on it, but knowing myself I am certain that I will not let it go until I’ve gotten it figured out. Lucky for me, I have a long time to do so.


While we’re on the subject of books that cause one to think and feel such emotions outside of the average comfort zone, Redeeming Love, Ruth’s Redemption, and Prodigal Summer are a few of the more complex novels that have also been recently life-altering for me. Check em out!

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