I am not feeling my best right now, despite the most perfect of weekends. I am also not sure what I will gain from sharing all this, but against my better judgment I will write and post anyways. As we are all well aware, life is crazy, full of ups and downs and everything in between, all the time. After everything that happened in the past week, I started to think of all the changes in role and responsibility I will be facing in this new chapter of my life. As I think of this new chapter ahead, I can’t help but think of the people in my past that I wish so badly were able to be a part of it. There is also the stress of knowing that there is so much that I want to do on an individual level, including important planning for work and balancing this with making the most of my time with loved ones and traveling before getting married. On top of my own stress, it is heartbreaking to see so many of the people I love the most going through such difficult struggles of their own, knowing there is nothing I can do to help except listen and offer support wherever needed.
As I thought of these things more and more, it began to slowly take over the positive energy and replace it with doubt, sadness, and fears of the future. But then I stopped myself- any new change in life is bound to release a plethora of emotions and to be accompanied by some form of apprehension and fear, but if 2 people truly love, respect, trust, and commit to each other and have that solid foundation, then the rest is just life. Everyone makes mistakes but not everyone can learn and grow from them. Everyone falls but not everyone can get back up. Just like anyone else, I am battling my own demons on this journey of life in which some days are good and some days are bad but everyday is a blessing to be alive. It’s undeniable that life can be overwhelming and has a lot of negative, most of which cannot be changed or controlled, but the mind is the most powerful tool and one that I have complete control over. Once I remind myself of all I have to be grateful for- a home, basic necessities and extra luxuries, a job of purpose and love, the opportunities and freedom to go anywhere and do anything, to actively take control of my own self and life- then I have everything.
I cannot, will not, succumb to weakness and feeling sorry for myself and the negative thoughts that life is unfair and nobody cares about anything other than themselves and dwell on circumstances beyond my control. People will always look out for themselves first and put their own problems before yours, so you can’t rely on anyone else to help you in dark times; you’ve got to have your own back, be your own light, and figure out a way to make that be enough. And they’re not necessarily to blame for that; everyone is only looking for meaning, love, and their own ideas of success and happiness. But I will not be a victim of my situation or blame or compare my life to that of anyone else except me. Instead, I can just put in a little bit of effort and make a conscious decision each and every day to be happy, to control my emotions before they control me, to make the best of what I do have and not worry about anyone else unless I am helping them, to experience the light of God that shines in the darkness when it seems the most impossible. It may not be easy, and right now with all that I have going on, it certainly doesn’t feel like I can do it, but I know I can, and it is always worth it.
So, after a little self-reflection and discussion with my fiance, I am feeling a lot better as I head back to real life in Atlanta. As humans, we always want more than what we have, no matter how much we have. We are always able to find the negative and for most without practice, it can come pretty naturally. But we also have the amazing power to pick up and turn it all around. The moment we appreciate all that we do have, without comparing it to what we don’t have or what others have, is the moment that we have everything.
“It’s so easy to allow fear and negativity to consume you…but the moment (you) realize that everything (you) need, all the power, the drive, the love and strength of the universe is already within you, things can turn right back around. Backing yourself and taking control of your life is such an empowering & satisfying thing to do. You’re in control of your reality and your future- no one ever has the right to tell you otherwise. If you’ve had a rough day or week…(remember) the negativity IS NOT YOU! You are strong and powerful; never think that you are those thoughts” because you are so much more.
-Cartia Mallan
Like I warned at the start of this post, I am unsure as to where I was going with this. All I know is that negativity is everywhere in this hectic world and easy to drown in if you don’t know what you are looking for. But if you have a solid foundation in faith, then you will be able to see the big picture, take control of your life, and be untouched by the chaos which surrounds you. It is important to take care of yourself, but equally as important to act upon the values of selflessness, open-mindedness, humility, patience, hard-work and balance. Things may not be perfect in the eyes of others, but if you stay true to yourself and your purpose in God, then you are perfect in His eyes and will find comfort in the fact that life is short and sweet and every single thing will be okay.
