Most of the time when I post a life update, it is fairly organized and well-thought-out after I have reflected and am in a good place to share some positive vibes. However, it has also been a long time since I have done just a real and raw post sharing my process during my journey, and now that I have my professional business website set up, I feel like I can finally go back to writing more personal posts on here.
This is such a relief because I have truly missed sharing frequent and unedited parts of my life though my personal blog, mostly because of the support and connection I receive from you all, but also because every post is a weight lifted off my shoulders and a documentation of my own progress. Anyways, before I start to ramble, I will go ahead and share a bit about what’s been going on lately.
In a few of my previous posts over the last couple of years, I have briefly mentioned my struggles and challenges with my relationships at the time. This was during the time when I lost my sister, ended my relationship, and felt isolated not knowing anyone in a new city. At this time, I decided to switch my focus inwards and dedicate more time to my personal development and creating the life I wanted. After I settled into a new routine and got my dream job and apartment, I was ready to focus on alleviating the feeling of loneliness, so I went out to meet new people and create new relationships.
For the past several months, my life has been better than I ever thought it could be again. In fact, my last life update was a few months ago and if you’ve read it you will see that I had plenty of dreams and absolutely no complaints, and this is all still the case.
But, as I grew busier with the responsibilities of daily life I noticed a decline in both my desire and motivation to continue to allot the same amount of effort into building new relationships as I had wanted to so badly before. Rather, as being Human entails a wide array of emotions, I find myself now caught somewhere in the extremes of the spectrum.
Some days, I find myself feeling down, disconnected and isolated from the family and friends I was once constantly surrounded by. Other days- most days- I feel content in my current relationships and recognize the importance of quality over quantity, but I feel a fear creeping in of more potential loss and reliving the pain I had experienced in the past.
Of course, being that I am now much more grounded in presence and consciousness, these emotions no longer consume me and I no longer identify with them they way I once used to. But they still come, as they are welcome to, and I am trying my best to surrender to them and then be positive and move forward.
People still come and people still go. Certain friendships have come to an end, new relationships are blossoming and my little Houston community continues to grow and change, as do I. Amidst all the changes, I always remember that Love is Stronger.
I try to remind myself that I am Love, that I am surrounded by Love, that I radiate Love and that my Love is stronger than these emotions of the past and the future. I try to embody Love in my everyday life and strive to make this Love overpower my fears.
I try to find the joy in my newfound solitude and embrace it as necessary growth as part of my adult life, and to be fully present when I am interacting with others, whether they be loved ones or coworkers or total strangers. I try to remind myself to take it light and remember what is most important and that I am not alone in sometimes feeling alone.
I try to focus on the fact that this spiritual peace is such a blessing, and how fortunate I am to be able to live my dream life in a way where my mind, body and soul are in alignment with my values, I have everything I could have ever dreamed of and I am only at the beginning of my adult journey and still have more people to meet, places to see and things to do.
And still, somewhere within the depths of the deep sea of emotions, some days it can be difficult to get out of bed and find the same level of motivation and excitement as I am grateful I do on many other days. I suppose the goal is to have more good days than bad and hope that our happy moments are frequent enough to sum up into a happy life at the end of our days, and that we are all just trying to find the balance.
I am a little afraid to even post this publicly, since it has been quite some time where I shared with such vulnerability, and most people assume that I am just naturally always happy. But at the end of the day, I am just like everyone else and my goal is always to hope that my story can serve as the key to unlocking someone else’s prison and to show that no matter what you may be dealing with, we are all the same at the core and you are never alone.