A Whole New World

After over 27 years of life, I finally got it (mostly) all figured out, and I am in the best place of my life …and then comes a relationship. I know who I am and what my life is about and I honestly couldn’t ask for more blessings than those which have been showered upon me so generously it’s impossible to explain in words. The one thing that I could ever ask for more of in life, and only reason I could ever think to leave all of this behind, is for the true love of a husband and family who loves me and my family deeply and unconditionally. And I even got that!…in Texas. The problem is, this comes with countless thoughts and emotions that are much more difficult to deal with than I had ever realized. I am usually not very open about my relationship, but I know that I am delving deep into a whole new world that will come with its fair share of ups and downs and lessons to learn on the journey of love, so here’s to sharing some of those experiences for anyone who can relate.

Sadness- because I am going to leave everything I know, my home and my loved ones and my life, all behind; Happiness- because I’m not losing anything, just doing it for love and gaining more of it. Fear- the added responsibility of being co-head of a household and potentially feeling very lonely very often; Faith- it requires equal energy as fear and leads to better outcomes without the worry. Guilt- is leaving behind my mom and sister for my own personal happiness really the right thing to do? I haven’t found any way to resolve this yet, so I will have to turn to God for accepting this bitter truth. Anger- really, at myself, for making this decision that has led me to this dilemma; Responsibility- taking ownership of my choices and actions and either doing it happily or not at all. Jealousy- it’s just not fair that most people get to keep their lives and just add love on top; Gratitude- I literally have more love than I knew existed for one person. Frustration- why can’t I deal with all of this despite recognizing the fact that I am doing it all in the name of love? Peace- I can deal with it and I will and I am. Annoyance- because it seems that whenever I try to mention these, I am asked to not bring it up, and no one understands. Understanding- a fiance who always listens and tries his best to understand, as does my family and best friends and others in the world who have dealt with this before. And of course, excitement, too- I am starting the next stage of my life with everything I have I now, but a whole new family to love and create and build a lifelong bond with. 

No one is perfect and no relationship can ever be flawless. We have had our share of issues that every couple always has, but we both trust each other and have committed to each other to try our best every day for the rest of our lives, simply because we are in love. We are two totally different people trying to create one life together. Therefore, we each have made many changes and sacrifices for each other. I may be giving up my dream of getting our first home alone together and my mom’s dream of having our wedding here and my sister and friends dreams of me not leaving my life here, but I am gaining someone who loves me unconditionally and shows me that daily. Someone who’s home will become my home, who will compromise to see me happy, who gave me a dream engagement and beach wedding and honeymoon, who treats my family like his own, who will let me name our future kids, who is working hard on his personal issues, habits and other qualities to please me, someone to pray with and someone to work with and someone to laugh and play with, who communicates with me and supports me and understands me and respects me as an equal partner, who is my best friend and lover and family and soulmate with a lot more positive than I can list here. I am starting to see that, more than the qualities on paper of the ideal person, it’s the relationship you create that matters, and I am ready to dive in with faith.

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